A.G. (Skin) Wilson

Note: The correct pronunciation of Umtata puts the emphasis on the second syllable i.e. UM-TAR-TA.
When reading this poem, the emphasis must be placed on the last syllable i.e. UM-TA-TAR

You may strain your muscles to brag of Brussels,
    of London, Paris or Timbuctoo;
Of Constantinople, Sebastople,
    Vienna, Naples or Kongatavoo;
Of Copenhagen, Madrid, Kilbeggan
    or the capital of the Russian Czar.
They're all inferior to the vast, superior
    and gorgeous city of Umtata.

I could stray forever by the Bashee River,
    and watch the waters of this sparkling stream,
And the ganders swimming and lightly skimming
    on the crystal bosom of the Owen Dam;
Or on market-day wander among pigs so tender,
    and geese and turkeys on many a car;
Exchanging pleasantries with the fine bold peasantry
    that throngs the market at Umtata.

The railway station, with admiration,
    I next must mention in terms of praise,
Where trains are rolling and engines howling,
    strikes each beholder with wild amaze.
Then there's the main street, that broad and clean street,
    with rows of bright lamps that shine afar;
There are three schools, a nunnery and a rising tannery
    in the glorious city of Umtata.

The men of genius, contemporaneous,
    approach spontaneous this favoured spot,
Where good society and a great variety
    of entertainment is still their lot;
Where the neighbouring quality of hospitality
    and conviviality unequalled are,
And from December through to November
    there are always diversions in Umtata.

And in conclusion I must make allusion
    to the beauteous females that there abound;
Celestial creatures with lovely features
    and tapering ankles that skim the ground.
But this suspends me; the theme transcends me;
    my muse's powers are too weak by far.
It would take Titulus and likewise Tibulus
    to sing the glories of Umtata.

By A.G. (Skin) Wilson about 1930

During the First World War he was a prisoner in Ruhleben Camp in Germany where he was a member of the Irish Players who put on "Mrs McGinty's Lodger" in which he played the part of 'Skin the Goat'. For the rest of his life he was called Skin.